you know you’re fucked when those late night thoughts start hitting you in the middle of the day
― (via diosadealma)

refridgerator:

my netflix wasn’t working so i called the netflix dude and after he fixed it he said let’s try it out and see if it worked so we watched an hour long movie together and idk i think it was a date 

I have two daughters, so I’m raising two future women. Maybe! I mean, one of them might be a guy later. It’s possible. It could happen. Someday one of my daughters could be like ‘Dad, I’m really a guy’ and I’ll be like ‘Alright well let’s get you a dick, honey. We’ll get you the nicest dick in town.’

Louis CK (reason #94826 why he’s the best comedian)

Somewhere along the way, Louis CK become society’s ideal father and I’m 100% okay with this.

(via mildlyamused)

i was told….

― customers who wanna start some shit  (via suspend)